In 2014, Doug and I found ourselves in a dark place! We were struggling financially, I was pregnant with our 3rd child, our communication was terrible and neither one of us saw a way out. About 2 months after giving birth to our third daughter it looked like our marriage was going to end. I can still hear our oldest daughter crying and banging on the door as Doug drove away “on a business trip.” It was the most devastating time of my life but by the grace of God we were both convicted to work on our marriage.
Doug returned home that night and we immediately began marriage counseling and joined a marriage small group. Over time we were able to work things out and that’s when we made the decision to move to Texas. Moving to Texas was one of the best decisions we have made and has completely changed our lives. That being said, I thought I had forgiven Doug during our counseling sessions but every time we’d end up in an argument I would bring up past hurts and it was wrecking our marriage. I love to journal and I can remember the day clearly when I was upstairs in my office doing my quiet time with God and asking Him to change Doug. My journal was filled with prayers for God to change Doug and lots of complaining about our situation and it was at that point that I heard God say “Love keeps no records of wrongs” 1 Corinthians 13:5. I realized at that moment that it wasn’t Doug who needed to change. I remember getting on my knees and sobbing and asking the Lord to change my heart. That was the day that I surrendered Doug to the Lord and I submitted my heart to God completely. As a result of heart change brought about by God our entire marriage and family has changed. True submission to the Lord looks like humble surrender and truly saying
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” Psalms 139:23-24.
It hasn’t been an easy journey but walking in the freedom brought about by surrender, submission and forgiveness is so worth the work.